Monday, October 17, 2011
I Love You
Hey...yeah this letter is way overdue, but even now the words don't want to cooperate with me. *Phew* I'm getting sweaty. God, that is so not the right thing to say. What am I saying anyway?
Oh yeah. I was just going over my life and I came to the realization that...I can't live without you. I know that sounds cliche, yet it's so true. You've always been there for me, through thick and thin.
LOL Remember back when I was nine and there was finally a computer in the house. Yeah, that huge bulky refurbished Tandy computer. Do they even exist anymore? Probably not. Anyways it was then that you first came to me.
It was so sudden. Even at such a young age I was taken aback by you. I'd seen you with other people before. And I thought you'd never have the time for me. Then *poof* there you were. My fingers were trembling. My heart was pounding. But before I knew it there were words in front of me...in front of us. It was a great start, a start of something I never knew would be so glorious.
Tell me you remember high school when I would zone out in the middle of class and focus on you and you alone. People thought it was so weird. I didn't care though. I hope you didn't either. Our relationship wasn't meant to be understood be everyone.
Ha! I just thought of when I got my first job. Geez. How many checks went to getting you the best notebooks or smooth writing pens. And that was when I got us that special backpack to carry you and all your wondrous wrappings with me all the time. Most guys my age them were worried about cars, while I worried about you Writing.
Time went on and I thought we'd never part. Just you and me against the world. A little Bonnie and Clyde. Then I let those naysayers come in my ear. I let those words of "you and that Writing are going nowhere" and "why don't you give up on Writing and grow up."
That was a difficult time for both of us. I walked away from our relationship for three years. Three whole years!! The entire time I felt a part of me was missing. That I was an unfinished puzzle. Where was my happiness? My joy? It was you. All that was missing was you.
I came back to you and...you were still there waiting for me. That old happiness and joy was back! However...you didn't trust me. You'd saw my these great ideas and give me glimpses of the right words only to snatch them away.
For the record I don't blame you for being that way. I hurt you...bad. I left you and you want to trust me. That I'll be there like I was in the beginning. That I'll never hurt you again.
My words may mean nothing right now but I promise I'll make it up to you. I'll dedicate myself to you. I want to learn so much more about you. Ugh! Why can't I just say it!!
Writing, I...I love you. Wow, that feels good to say. I love you, Writing. You make me so much stronger. Heck, you define who I am. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
I understand if you still don't trust me. If you want to throw a few blocks between us that's okay. I'll be there when you want to take them down, just as you were there for me.
That's all I needed to say, had to say. I hope you know I'm telling the truth when it comes to us. I'm waiting...
With all my love,
D. F. Matthews