Saturday Shorts: House of Broken Dolls

by lilith

"You really shouldn't break your dolls."

"But I want them to look just like me."

"You're not broken, Christina, you're whole, like I am."

Libby stopped writing on her tablet and smiled at the eight-year-old, always enchanted by her long, chestnut hair and amber eyes. Her fingers twirled her pen thoughtfully, the barrel made of thick glass in alternating stripes of brown, yellow, sea green, and white - the colors Christina said reminded her of a faerie forest.

Christina sighed and continued to mangle her dolls, brushing the silken black hair of a severed head with a brush made out of the same striped glass. "I so love the stripes, Mommy."

"I know." Libby's eyes welled up, but she fought back the burning tears. "I carry a piece of you around with me wherever I go."

In the small room there was a vanity filled with objects of striped glass - hairpins, rings, beads, bracelets- as well as macabre mobiles of pieces of dolls hanging from the ceiling, small shards of glass attached, making them tinkle like chimes in the breeze of the fan. Libby's heart wrenched as she watched her daughter, knowing that dawn was swiftly approaching, knowing that time was not on her side.

"Come here." Libby streched out her arms, her hands flexing as Christina ran to her. She grabbed her into her embrace, holding tight while the tears and sobs finally broke free."I don't want to lose you again, stay with me, please. I miss you."

"I miss you, too, Mommy, but you know I have to go." Christina whined, slipping from Libby's embrace, the once beautiful child now laying among the dolls with shattered limbs, bone and blood where skin should be, matted hair and fleshless face. "See, I told you I was broken like them."

Libby's shriek of anguish rang through the empty air as morning peeked through the blinds, her child fading before her, leaving nothing but damaged dolls and mutilated memories. Dashing the pen against a wall, she barely flinched when the small shards bit her cheek, trickles of blood mixing in with her tears.

Within an instant she was composed, rising and picking up the fragments to take them her workbench, laying them among the others along with her drimmel and filament. She would see the glassblower again tomorrow, take him more ashes which he at first had thought to question, yet she paid him handsomely and besides, the ashes lent the glass an ethereal irridescence. In the meantime, she would methodically pick up the pieces like she always did, singing to break the suffocating silence.

Don't you know
I've lost my way
can't find my way
Don't you know
I've lost my way

But I'll try and I'll try
until I die....

*lyrics from Ba da da da, copyright Angel'n Irons*

by lilith

Saturday Shorts: Bedtime Ritual

by: Michelle4Laughs

Smiling at his reflection in the mirror, Jorge raised his toothbrush. Brooks and Dunn blared on the radio as he slid in socks and not much else across the floor, toothbrush flying.

Marguerite came in and wet her toothbrush. After applying toothpaste, she pointedly held the tube high and shut the lid before putting it in the drawer and closing it with one hip. Then she spun the dial on the radio passing Lady Gaga and stopping at a Nickleback classic. Brushing away, she closed her eyes and absorbed the love song with a sigh.

Jorge frowned in disgust before reaching around her and returning the station to its origin.

Toothpaste running down her chin, Marguerite’s eyes popped open. She twitched the dial back and then blocked the radio with her body.

Jorge released his toothbrush to attack the ticklish spot along her ribs.

Spraying toothpaste, Marguerite ducked wildly away from him and, still giggling, spat in the sink.

He caught her in a hug from behind, bending to place a wet kiss on one bare shoulder. Their eyes met in the mirror. Smiling, Jorge raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Marguerite’s own eyes sparkled as she switched off the radio.

by: Michelle4Laughs

Saturday Shorts: Victory is Not for the Weak

By: Michelle4Laughs

With head high, Claire approached the cave. The stench of the dragon wafted out to her and her eyes turned for one last look at her village tucked in the valley far below. Like a deserted ruin, it stood burnt and devastated. The dragon had taken her family. The young men of the village had perished one by one, their spears broken against its impenetrable scales, their bodies feeding its belly. The rest of the villagers hid in fright, knowing it would return for them.

She squared her shoulders and chewed her last handful of frothos berries. The berries would give her an edge the others lacked. Her belly full, she entered the cave, taking small steps until her eyes compensated for the darkness. The smell forced her to press a hand against her nose.

Even knowing the outcome, her hands shook and sweat ran down her sides in a clammy rain. Two steps turned to ten and then twenty. Her white dress clung to her legs as she trailed down the tunnel, counting. Once she’d hoped the dress could be a bridal gown. She mustn’t let down her family. Her own audacity made her tremble.

The cave opened out before her and she heard the raspy breathing. A scratching sound and the giant head reared high, contemplating her presence with huge green-slotted eyes. Scales scraped against rock as the beast levered itself to its feet, accepting its own ponderous weight. Great bat wings lay tucked against its humped back. It made no move toward her.

“Do you see your doom in me?” Claire whispered in wonder. She held out her empty hands, willing the shaking to stop. Carefully, she took two steps closer. “Go on,” she cried. “Do what you do!”

She approached until she stood directly under the beast, making no hostile move. Overhead, she could see the dragon’s fangs, its row upon row of razor teeth. The same teeth had feasted upon her father and mother, making a sport of hunting them as they ran in terror. Should not revenge feel sweet? Facing the great beast, she discovered no savor of triumph.

The frothos berries caused her stomach to cramp. Soon now. Even the smallest child knew to avoid them. With their red color and pleasant scent, they attracted the hungry, but a handful could poison a full grown cow. The amount in her stomach could do much more damage.

It hovered over her hypnotically. She noted the size of the dragon’s mouth insured it could finish her slight body in one bite. Slowly her fingers curled, the pain would be as nothing to the glory of saving her village. With a scream to attract the beast, she turned and ran. The white dress made a tempting target. Crashing footsteps lumbered behind her and the ground shook.

At the tunnel entrance, the beast struck. Claire made no attempt to evade. Her eyes drew one last look at her home. Saved.

By: Michelle4Laughs

Saturday Shorts: Redbox Love (pt 2)

by: Ree Vera

**Click here to read Redbox Love (pt 1)**




Movie nights were always something I used to look forward to. Every Friday night my girl and I would hang out on the couch, basking in the glow of some film flickering from my crappy television set. Of course after she went and slept with my best friend, that all changed. She was now probably snuggling with him on his fancy leather sofa, watching some piece of trash action movie with bad acting and stupid lines—which I know she hates—and I was stuck renting a movie for a night in alone. With my mother.

I scowled at the concrete. The fact that it was her birthday didn’t matter. The thought was still depressing. I felt my phone vibrate and flipped it open. “Hello.”

“Honey, can you see if they have any romantic comedies? I love those.”

“Sure mom.” I rolled my eyes as two teenage girls giggled their way in front of me. Apparently the two thought they were cute enough that I wouldn’t say anything about cutting. They were not. But I wasn’t in the mood to cause a scene for a stupid spot in line for the redbox.

As my mother rambled on about what type of movie she had her heart set on, the doors to the Walgreens slid open. I’ve seen my fair share of movies. Seen the cheesy, overdone scenes where the guy first spots the woman of his dreams. Until then, I’d always snorted at them.

Never again.

There she was. Shoulder length hair the color of taffy set off a round, moon-like face with two dark eyes and full expressive eyebrows—one which arched when she spotted the lengthy line. Her lips pursed at this and she took another bite of the candy bar she held in her hand. I grinned.

The mystery woman click clacked her way towards the end of the line, which was right behind me. My mother’s voice kept rambling in my ear. “Mm hmm. Yeah.” I kept it up enough so she would think I was paying attention.

A snicker sounded in front of me and I noticed the two teenagers whispering. It was very obvious that whatever they were saying was about the woman that had just exited the store. I noticed her step falter, having obviously heard, and that’s when I realized why.

I’m not much for fashion. I’m pretty much a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy; even though my mother insists I should start ‘dressing’ up more now that I’m nearing the age of thirty. Not sure why that’s such a big deal but apparently it is. Even so, I was pretty sure high heels—sparkly ones no less—weren’t supposed to be worn with sweatpants. Very green sweatpants.

“Check if they have any of Meryl’s movies. I love her.”

I lowered the volume on my phone. “Ok.”

As the woman neared the end, her eyes caught mine. I smiled in greeting. She blinked twice, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and then went to stand behind me without a word.

I wasn’t sure why it felt so much like rejection when she didn’t smile.

I fought the urge to turn around the entire time, sighing into the phone while the line took forever to move forward. Just before the two nuisances in front of me were up, I risked another look at her. Once again, her eyes meet mine. She had been looking at me.

I turned away, but not before noticing the bright red her face changed to. Or the way she kept tugging at her shirt. A shirt with a picture of that lame excuse for an actor who played some kind of dog that girls went nuts for. I wondered if she was embarrassed.

At last it was my turn. I touched finger to screen and scrolled through the, let’s face it, slim and sorry selection of movies. It was dark out, but I still caught the woman’s reflection in the glow of the screen. She seemed to be trying to peer over my shoulder. I swallowed a laugh and went for It’s Complicated. I thought I remembered my mother mentioning she was a fan of Meryl Streep. Before I touched the button labeled ‘Rent’ I saw the face in the screen frown. Apparently mystery woman didn’t approve of my selection.

I don’t know why I did it. It wasn’t like I was going to watch the movie with her. But I slid over to the rest of my choices until she smiled. I stifled a groan. 3:10 to Yuma. My mother was not going to be happy.

I grabbed the dvd and snapped my cell shut. In my distraction, I hadn’t realized there was no longer anyone on the other end. Then I spotted the dvd in her hand and sighed. "I'm sorry for taking so long. I didn't realize you only had a return to make."

Her eyes went wide and once again, her face blushed a fetching shade of red. “Uh, no, I mean that’s fine. No problem.”

I gazed at her a moment longer. I wanted to ask her name in the worst way. I should have, but I didn’t. Instead, I smiled at her one more time, and then walked away.

Saturday Shorts: Eye of the Beholder

By AlinasVoice

Amy squirmed in her seat, eyes darting from ornate wood carving to solemn stone column. Pew, window ledge, pulpit and altar groaned with opulent arrangements of greenery, interspersed with flashes of red, courtesy of holly berries and poinsettia flowers. The Church looked beautiful, decked out in its Christmas finery.

A gentle glow rose up from the tops of imposing, cream white pillars, arranged in artistic groups. They flickered constantly, in an ongoing battle between heated flame and the cold drafts of air that constantly encircled the Church’s interior.

Beauty though, in Amy’s opinion, didn’t make up for the discomfort of hard wooden seats or the soporific drone of the Vicar’s voice. Her discreet squirm morphed into fidgeting. How much longer did she have to sit here? She was beginning to feel cold. The chill rolling off stone walls seemed determined to breach the warm defence of her coat.

Shifting in her seat yet again, trying to get comfortable, Amy pulled in a lungful of cool air and experimented with how long she could hold it in before bursting at the seams. One, two, three… her foot tapped out the seconds on the wooden floorboards… forty four, forty five…no, that was it. She let the air go noisily and dragged in another long breath, ready to start again.

“Amy!”

Looking up, Amy wasn’t surprised to see the exasperation on her Mother’s face. “Sorry Mum,” she whispered, then clarified the need for entertainment, “I’m just so bored!”

Mum, who wasn’t nearly as strict as Dad was, smiled slightly and leant down in a conspiratorial manner, “I know sweet-pea. Look, why don’t you go see your friend Tommy for a while? You can give him his present.”

Relief surged through Amy, at last. This was the green light she’d been waiting for. Nodding, she tried to communicate her thanks by being as quiet as she could, whilst squeezing through the tiny gap between the end of their pew and the wall.

Once free, she crept past the heavy Church door and across to the space behind the font, where Sunday school was usually held. There, she arranged herself, crossed legged on the floor and squinted into the surrounding gloom.

There was no need for words. She could already see Tommy, sitting on one of the simple wooden chairs. He was watching her silently, his dark eyes gazing at her with something approaching surprise. Amy smiled, Tommy was shy. She supposed it was because of his face. Not that that mattered to her.

Amy shook her head as she regarded her friend. Silly Tommy; didn’t he know? He was the centre of her world, next to Mum and Dad. He was the only adult, apart from them, who accepted her exactly as she was, without comment, without expectation.

Long moments passed. The staring continued. Then, finally, Amy gave in, reaching into her coat pocket and pulling out a folded piece of paper. She opened it up. Her eyes flicked back and forth, between the paper in her hands and Tommy. “I brought you a present Tommy.” She whispered.

Tommy didn’t reply, his poor, damaged face showing no hint as to whether he had heard her. Amy waited for another heartbeat, then placed the paper on the floor, right side up and slid it across towards him. She waited, stomach clenching, for his reaction.

Slowly, Tommy leant forward, his face finally clearing the shadows, the candlelight softening his ravaged, scar hardened features. Amy smiled in encouragement, pushing the paper a little closer to him. Tommy was beautiful to her, and so brave. His eyes shone out at her, offering her all the freedom she would ever need, to be herself. He reached out one hand, pulling the paper back towards him, into the semi-darkness. His eyes narrowed as he scanned it, in quick, jerky movements.

Amy held her breath. Would he like it? Would he mind?

The congregation had started to sing ‘Silent Night’, their voices filling the Church with reverent music. Tommy’s eyes suddenly widened, his mouth dropping into a softly rounded ‘O’ as he stared at the naively drawn picture in his hand. It showed a family, arms linked, with a Christmas tree beside them. Four figures with a child’s scrawl identifying them, ‘Mum’, ‘Dad’, ‘Me’, ‘Tommy’. He looked up, and Amy smiled in relief. He liked it...but…why was he crying?

Had she gone too far? She’d only wanted to make him see himself as she did. He was part of her family. The big brother she’d always wanted. Tommy seemed so alone and she’d wanted to show him that he didn’t have to be, especially now. It was Christmas, after all. He deserved better than that. He’d earned better than that.

“Thank you Amy.”

The words were so softly spoken; Amy almost missed them, the chorus of ‘Silent Night’ once more drifting into their private meeting place. Another cold draft blew passed, raising goose bumps along Amy’s arms, despite her coat. Where had that come from? She turned to see if the Church door had opened. Almost immediately, there was a scraping noise, the distinctive sound of wood against hollow floorboards, and the thud of heavy boots walking quickly away from her. Whipping her head around, Amy blinked for a moment, slightly dizzy from the rapid movement.

The chair where Tommy had been sitting was empty.

Nothing changed. He made a habit of leaving without saying goodbye. She didn’t mind; Tommy was shy.

Amy didn’t go back to her parents. Instead, she continued to sit, staring at the rectangle of white marble on the wall opposite. ‘Silent Night’ ended. The Vicar bade his congregation a ‘Merry Christmas’ and retreated to his vestry. Amy’s parents came to find her.

Dad crouched down beside Amy, before his big arms scooped her up into a hug. Mum laughed, ruffling Amy’s blonde curls, “Ready for home sweet-pea?”

“Yes.” Amy replied, burrowing her face into her Father’s shoulder. She was starting to feel sleepy. 8.30pm was late for a six year old, over-excited about Christmas Day. “Tommy’s gone.” She said her voice soft; tired.

“He’s probably on his way home to bed, just like you.” Dad soothed, raising an eyebrow towards Mum, “Did he like your present baby?”

Amy’s eyes were almost closed now; sleep tugging insistently on her conscious mind. She managed only a nod.

Carrying his now sleeping daughter towards the Church door, Dad glanced around carefully before nodding over towards Tommy’s chair. “It’s over there” he whispered, shifting Amy’s weight in his arms.

“I see it.” Mum said, bending to retrieve the drawing that was wedged between Tommy’s chair and the wall. She pocketed it, a thoughtful look crossing her face as she raised her eyes to the white marble plaque above them. It listed all those from their village, who had given their lives during the First World War. Amy's Great, Great Grandfather, ‘Thomas Mallory’ was the last name shown.

“’Night Tommy,” she murmured, turning to follow her husband and child.

From a darkened corner, Tommy watched them leave. For the first time in close to one hundred years, he felt at peace. And it was all down to one small girl, with angel blonde curls and a heart as big as... Christmas.

By AlinasVoice

Saturday Shorts: The Inevitable

by: Trozin

The Inevitable

I knew from the beginning that he was destined to kill me. He was exciting! I was thrilled to be around him, but he was dangerous, unpredictable. I didn't know why I was so intrigued by death, by him. I had no idea how he was going to kill me; I had no idea why he would kill me; but the most frightening thing, I had no idea what he was.

*~~~*~~~*

I worked at Snoodles and Companions and was half way through my senior year in high school. I couldn't wait to leave all the hullabaloo behind and go to college. I wasn't sure what I wanted to study yet, but I got into my college of choice as an undecided and at this point in my life that's all that mattered.


It was a crisp Saturday morning in early spring that death marked me. He had strong lean muscles that elegantly linked his long, tall bones together. He had piercing steal grey eyes and a long thin nose that flared at the end perfectly framing his full pink lips. He licked them as he studied the menu for less than a second before he ordered a regular mushroom stroganoff with chicken and a bottled water.


"That'll be $7.49." I said ringing up his order trying not to stare. He didn't seem to notice me at all as he paid with cash. I gave him his change and said, "Thank you sir we'll bring that right out to you." I gave him a number so we knew where to take the food. He mumbled what I thought was a thank you and made his way right in the center of the restaurant. He set down and pulled out a book, which I never could see the title of, and read peacefully.


The swarms of people that came after him blended into a blur of fake smiles and thank yous. After the afternoon rush, I took a break from the counter to "wipe tables." I really just wanted to get closer, so I could further investigate this stranger that had me so captivated. I was trying to be inconspicuous as I wiped the tables around his taking long glances in his direction. He looked to be in his very early twenties his jet black hair laid in thick rolling waves tight to his head. His skin was a light caramel brown, natural not tanned. I looked down realizing I went from observing to staring. I moved to the next table this one to his left. I wiped and cleaned the only thought on my mind was when I should look at him again. After a couple seconds I decided it was okay.


When I looked up, I froze, for only a moment when I saw him staring at me. His gaze was even his book was still propped up like he was only glancing in my direction. I looked down quickly wondering if he caught me. I finished this table quickly moving on to the next one right next to the one I just finished. Was I even doing a good job cleaning these tables? I looked back at my work and saw each table still had a wet wipe that was drying. I shrugged and figured that was good enough.


I started rigorously wiping this table not daring to look at the stranger, but when I was almost done I couldn't stop myself. This time when I looked up at him he was staring at me, not glancing. His book was closed now laying stationary on the table as if he had no intentions of picking it back up. I looked down faster now a heat of embarrassment rushing through my cheeks. I could feel his stare as I made my way to the next three tables.


I heard Meagan, a fellow co-worker, ask him if he needed anything else. I didn't wait to hear his answer. I took that opportunity to escape.


Once inside, I leaned against the door to the kitchen using this time to catch my breath. I couldn't go back in there.


"Lia, I thought you were on registers." Lacey, my boss, said in her usual attitude.


"I'm uh about to take out the trash." I said looking around my eyes landing on the three bags of garbage waiting by the back door. No body volunteered for trash duty. Everything made at Snoodles was organic and therefore, when it spoiled it was atrocious. I didn't care, I needed to get out of this building.


"Good don't forget to lock the back door when you come back." She said returning to her office to answer the ringing phone.


I took a deep breath of the dirt ladened spring air. It was crisp and a relief to my lungs when I waddled awkwardly to the dumpster, the three bags banging against my leg. I hoped they didn't leak.


It all happened in an incoherent flash. Pain! Bright red and orange! I bang then silence. The world moved slowly around me, but I heard nothing. I was freaking out inside but only for a moment.


Warmth!


I brought my heavy hand to my head.


Blood!


I would have cried or screamed, but the darkness took me first.


Lights...red...blue...flashing...darkness.


A dull thud...voices...familiar smell... darkness.


Unfamiliar faces... distant voices... shouting that sounded like whispers... darkness.


Monotonous beep, beep, beep... white... a chair... darkness.

*~~~*~~~*

They said I was lucky, but I couldn't stop thinking about those that weren't. It was on the news even after I finally woke up from my two week coma. Even now, four months after, I still heard about the explosion at my old job on the news. I wanted to rip the stupid news caster through the t.v screen as she pointed out all the over looked mistakes that lead up to the "inevitable accident several months before. Officials are investigating several restaurants to make sure they are following code regulations..." No shit Sherlock. They should all be following code anyway. Those stupid government officials should have been doing their jobs. If they had, I wouldn't have lost... Meagan, annoying Lacey, Kurt, and not to mention all the faceless customers and... him. I almost felt guilty for feeling sorrow and pain deeper for the beautiful stranger than for the people I knew and worked with for over a year. I couldn't get his face out of my mind, and many nights he would haunt me.


I spent the rest of my high school career in the hospital refusing to take time off. I would graduate on time. I had to get out of here. I wasn't even sure why I was in the hospital for so long after I woke up. The doctors were insisting I stay even though I didn't have any broken bones.


My mother tried desperately to convince me to go to the local community college for the first year. She was obviously not ready to let go yet. I wasn't sure if it was my decision on a major: psychology, or the fact that I laughed out loud in her face that made her change her mind, but it didn't really matter. I'd been saving up for years now to get the hell out. After all the scholarships, and grants my parents just gave me cash to spend.


They said I was the only survivor. Saved by trash who would have thought? Saved by running away from the only person I wanted to see alive right now, as horrible as that sounds. I should have said something to him. I should have... It didn't matter any more. I'd been telling myself to forget about him, but it was as impossible as all the water in all seven oceans drying up instantaneously.


The plane ride took an eternity. I thought I'd never make it to my dorm. It was stuffy and smelled funny as dorms usually did. After visiting several colleges the past fall I knew the best and the worst.


My room mate was cool. We acknowledged each other's presence, but I didn't bother her and she didn't bother me. It didn't bother me that her boy toy was over before we even got our stuff unpacked. I left them to their privacy and walked to the theater on campus. I flashed my student i.d. and disappeared among the other loud freshman that obviously had nothing else to do besides watch what ever we were here to watch.


I didn't remember falling asleep during the movie, but when I woke up I was snug under my blankets, my roommate and her boy breathing deep in the opposite corner of the room.


It was the light that forced me to start my first day of class. I felt like I got hit by a ton of bricks, but it was probably the jet lag. I got ready for my advanced water color class and left the dorm in time to be thirty minutes early if I walked straight there. I decided to take a long meandering path through the campus between buildings until I arrived to class with only ten minutes to sit and wait.


The professor was already there scribbling madly on the chalk board his back to me. The ten minutes flew by, and right before the professor started talking about the syllabus that he handed out a few minutes before one more student came in and filled the only seat left, which was of course next to me. Did I smell or something? I sniffed my self discreetly, but didn't smell anything out of the ordinary. Maybe I just subconsciously turned people off. Oh well, I thought and refocused my attention on the professor.


"I can tell you are all so very excited to be in my class this semester, and I'm excited to have you." The prof. droned unenthusiastically. My attention diverted to something... something I couldn't explain. It was a smell, but more than that a feeling. Danger, intrigue, unwavering attraction. I finally looked over at my desk partner and froze inside out. It was him! He was alive! He was here! But why was he here? How could this be happening? What should I do? My instincts told me to leave, run, but the yearning in my heart told me to stay, to talk to him. I wasn't sure if I would get another chance. Maybe this was my chance.


"The person you're sitting next to now will be your partner for the rest of the semester so get to know them well. We have six projects in this course and four of them are partner exercises. Starting with the first one..." I forgot all about what the prof. was saying when I heard the most alluring low voice whisper softly in my ear. If I didn't smell the sweat lingering scent that I knew now to belong to him alone I would have thought I was imagining it.


"Aechton."


I looked at the beautiful stranger. I frowned as I searched his fathomless eyes. They spiraled down, down, down for eternity. He was looking at me calmly no hint that he remembered me from the explosion. Was it really him? A sweet whiff of his scent told me it was without a doubt.


He smiled with just the slight movement at the corner of his mouth. Actually I wouldn't have been sure it was a smile had his slate grey eyes not sparkled a little. "You have no name?" He asked in a smooth low baritone. A shiver ran up my spine and stopped abruptly at the back of my head. It set there sending the strangest feeling through my body.


"Lia." I heard myself whisper. He smiled for real this time showing an all too perfect white smile. His glistening white eye-teeth were a little sharper than I thought they should be, but the warm feeling that his smile made run through me was enough to make that observation vanish into the back of my mind. He was every bit as lovely as I remembered. Maybe even more lovely which I couldn't figure out how that could possibly be.


He looked over at me again, and I had never taken my eyes off of him. I was less than a foot away from him and when he looked at me he leaned closer assaulting my senses with his sweet scent. From so close I could see that his eyes were not completely grey, but flecked with a rich grass green and golden yellow. It was subtle and took me a back, but it drove me deeper and deeper into them. I couldn't stop counting the flecks of color in is eyes.


Any normal human would have looked away at my insistent staring, but he just gazed back at me. Examining, assessing. He didn't look away or shift uncomfortably. I should have been embarrassed, but after almost loosing him I couldn't find it in myself to be embarrassed. I wouldn't lose him again, not if I could help it.


His gaze and my insistent stare broke off as his eyes drifted to some unseen place, and when they returned he straightened up in his chair bringing his attention back to the professor.


I blinked for the first time in who knew how long and did the same glancing at him from time to time only to see him staring forward.


Finally, after what felt like a decade of gabbing from professor Transin he gave us our first assignment which was a still life. We had to find an object that reminded us of our table partner and then paint them with it in another place and time. This guy was nuts, but I wouldn't mind spending an entire class period looking at Aechton. What a strange name. I like it though. It fit him well.


I shoved the syllabus in my backpack aggressively ignoring the wrinkled edges and zipped part of the paper up as well. I impatiently unzipped and shoved the paper further in and zipped quickly before it could unwrinkle and cause more problems.


"Throwing it away before you left the room would have been a lot easier." I heard Aechton say calmly a hint of laughter in his tone. I looked up at him, he was standing now. How long was he standing there? I felt the heat from my insides run up quickly to my cheeks before I could stop them. Obviously long enough to see me idiotically futzing with that stupid syllabus.


"Yeah, I guess you're right." I said standing upright. Maybe a little too quickly the blood rushed right to my head. He grabbed me right before I swayed slightly as if he already knew what was going to happen. When I steadied he let me go.


"What class you got next?" We both slowly started walking to the door.


"Uh... chemistry." I said looking at the schedule that would probably be pasted to my hand until the end of the semester. Took me forever to remember what order and day.


"Me too. What are the odds of that?" He said a smile tugging at his beautiful full lips. "Wanna walk?"


My mouth opened, but words never came out. I nodded instead of trying to make sense verbally.


We set by each other in chemistry as well, and it was almost too much smelling him through two classes. I reveled in it and wished for this half of my day to never end. Inevitably, it had to.


I couldn't sleep when the moon was out high in the night sky. I wanted to just skip the next day because I didn't have any classes with Aechton. Would I be able to make it through the next day? I laughed at my own desperate thoughts. I'd gone so many months without the stranger I haven't talked to until today. I was being foolish, but I didn't want to lose him again as strange as that may sound.

*~~~*~~~*

Every time I looked at the clock it was like it never moved so I told myself not to look. I didn't want to know that my life was poking by at an unnaturally slow rate. I had three classes today and I was determined to make the best out of them. After the first two classes I had a long three hour break so I got some lunch and decided I would use this time to find something that reminded me of him. Well jeez what didn't remind me of him? I couldn't stop thinking about him; so, therefore, everything reminded me of him. I decided to choose one aspect of his complete perfection to focus on: his eyes.


I was walking by the man made pond on campus trying to think of something I might have back at my dorm that would remind me of his eyes when I found exactly what I was looking for. Of course it was in the water just far enough where I would have to reach for it. It was the most alluring stone. It was mostly grey, but the water and the sun reflected hints of green yellow and shades of brown. It was perfect; if only I could reach it.


I knelt on the ground next to the pond and reached as far as I could my weight barely able to balance on the large stone on the water's edge. I dipped my hand into the pond and stretched to the bottom where I found my jagged grey treasure. I had it firmly in my hand and I was readjusting my weight to haul my body back in when I jumped at the reflection I saw in the water.


Before I could recover gravity did what it does best and I feel head first into the pond. I flew up surprised and dripping wet only to hear Aechton's low harmonious laughter echoing in my ears. I had to laugh too to keep from crying or blushing. The warm breeze made my wet body shiver as I walked to the edge of the pond to get out. He helped me out by taking a hand and pulling gently until I was far enough out of the water for him to wrap a hand around my waist where he hoisted me the rest of the way to dry land. It seemed almost effortless to him he was smiling the entire time, but said nothing. He was so beautiful.


"We should get you into some warm clothes." He said softly his breath brushing over my face gently as if it were the breeze. I was hopeless really. Why and how could I be so draw to him? This could only end badly right? Things this great don't last forever.


"So, why were you leaning so far over the pond? It was as if you were asking to fall in." Aechton said a smile spreading across his face remembering my embarrassing moment. I stepped out of the bathroom in shorts and tank-top while I combed my freshly washed hair. I washed it in the sink not willing to go to my last class smelling like a wet dog fish girl.


"Doing homework, and I was just fine until you scared the crap out of me." I said trying to glare at him. I must not have been too convincing because he smiled again with just the corner of his mouth this time. I loved that half smile he did where most of the smile was in his eyes. I stepped back into the bathroom and combed out my tangled mass of curls. Why did I even try?


His cool scent filled my nose as he appeared leaning casually against the frame to the bathroom door."Homework?" He asked crossing his arms across his muscled chest which was obvious now with the tight long sleeve black shirt he was wearing. Even in all this heat he was wearing black? He looked comfortable though as he waiting patiently for me to elaborate. I really didn't want to. With the whole falling in the lake I would look pretty stupid saying 'I was retrieving a rock that looked like the color of your eyes.' How dumb would that sound? "Not going to tell me?"


I brought my gaze where my mind already was and stared at him trying to look indifferent. It probably wasn't working, because the moment my eyes came in contact with any part of his body they melted as did every other part of me. "You'll laugh."


He smiled still looking at me calmly carefully reading me, trying to figure out if I'll tell or not. "Is that a bad thing?"


I laughed this time. "If it's at my expense again, yes. You can get me once, but twice in one day, not so sure I can do that."


He just leaned there waiting. Did he not hear me? I said I wasn't going to tell him.


"It's for water color class." My mouth blurted out without permission. I scolded myself inside as I quickly diverted my attention back to the image in the mirror.


"What, at the bottom of a pond could possibly remind you of me?" He asked a smile evident in his voice.


I sighed deciding the cat was out the bag thanks to my big mouth, so I might as well get the embarrassment over with. At least it wouldn't be a surprise tomorrow in class. I wondered what he found for me? I bent over and picked up my jeans rummaging through the pockets until I found the fist full of stone in the palm of my hand. I held it out to him and he took it rolling it around in his rather large hands. They looked like they didn't belong to him since he was such a trim person, but I guess he was tall.


I turned my gaze away from him waiting for the inevitable laughter. I rubbed too much lotion on my face and worked it in aggressively.


"A rock?" I heard him ask quizzically. "I'm waiting for an explanation, or I just may be offended."


I turned to him frowning. Offended? How could he be offended? Obviously it wasn't some random rock on the side of the road. I was reaching bending stretch, for no reason because I ended up soaking wet anyway, for that rock. "First of all it is not a rock, it is a stone. And you have no reason to be offended. Remember I was reaching over a body of water to retrieve this stone." I emphasized the last word.


He just stared at me; his glistening slate grey eyes assessing me gently, searching, debating, deciding. "But why go through so much trouble when their were plenty of stones on the shore?" He asked still calm still assessing.


"Because I wanted that one." I looked desperately into his eyes seeing if there was any hint that he would just drop it, but there wasn't even a speckle of hope in the depths of his bottomless eyes. I sighed loudly leaning against the counter looking at my feet. Then I approached him, only inches away, and took the rock gently from his hands and pointed to the colors. "It's like your eyes. You know grey, ordinary at first glance, but they have all these flecks of color in them too. Greens and yellows, and browns." I stepped back before daring to look at his face.


His expression was unreadable. I turned back to the mirror thinking of something to keep me busy, but there was nothing. I started cleaning my stuff off the counters.


It seemed like forever before he said, "My eyes?" But it was almost not a question. I looked over in time to see him effortlessly push himself away from the door frame smoothly, and approach me at a steady confident pace. His eyes gazing at me intently determined, sure. His steps didn't falter as I stepped back until my back was against the wall. My breath stopped in my lungs when he took his final step closing the small space between us. I looked up at his towering form. He was so close I could feel the heat radiating from his body.


"What colors are in my eyes now?"


His warm breath sent a rush of heat from my head to my toes every nerve in my body was standing on end. His face closed the inches between us and when his lips touched mine my body arched to form perfectly to his. His lips sent my mind reeling and spinning almost to unconsciousness. His strong hands were touching... moving... caressing...stroking my body gently with heated passion. To my surprise mine were exploring his body as well.


My mind told me I only knew him for a day, but my heart told me I knew him for an eternity. We stroked, touched ,and kissed until we both reached the inevitable: oblivion.

*~~~*~~~*

Even the time I spent away from him physically wasn't long enough to make me forget what it would be like to be in his arms again. I was so gone. A hopeless case. He made me focus on my classes because I wasn't paying any attention in any of them except water color when all I had to do was look at him, think about him, or paint him which was... well you get it.


I was waiting in chemistry for Aechton to return from the bathroom. He rushed into class right before the professor started talking. She explained the lab to us and sent us to our task. We walked down the hall to the lab and Aechton put an arm up stopping me from entering the room. He sniffed the air a frown deforming his beautiful face.


"You smell that?" He asked his face contorted, focused.


I sniffed the air too. "Yeah, It's sulphur. We're in a chemistry building." I tried to push to go passed him, but his arm didn't budge.


"We gotta get out of here." He looked down at me a hard wall closing off his eyes. I couldn't read them! I didn't know what he was thinking! I didn't know what was wrong!


"What is it?"


He didn't answer, but grabbed me and pulled me away from the room as fast as he could.


A familiar noise dampened my hearing as our bodies flew apart from each other.


Pain...blood...darkness.


My vision was gone, but I could hear his voice. It was hushed, whispering harshly to another.


"...if you don't one of us will have to. The job can not go undone. You knew the rules Aechton. Not to get involved. Staying away from home so long can get to us after a while. You're not usually known for a sloppy job. You should have finished her off at that restaurant all those months ago." There was silence until the other one started talking again. "You could offer her the choice if you so choose. She could be useful to him."


Who? my mind wondered? What were they talking about he should have finished her. Who was she? I was so confused. The voices disappeared, or I just couldn't hear them anymore. I couldn't tell if I was alive or dead, awake or sleep. I just set there in the darkness waiting.

*~~~*~~~*

Slate grey eyes flecked with green and yellow with varying hues of brown was the first thing that I saw upon waking. I scoffed at the familiar sterile smell of the hospital and the monotonous sound of the beep, beep, beep of my heart monitor. His eyes returned from far away as they focused on me.


"How do you feel?" He asked calmly the shield still covering the liquid silver I'd grown accustomed to over the past couple weeks.


"Like I got ran over by a bus. W-why aren't you all busted up?" I ask assessing him carefully.


He laughed maybe at an inside joke that I was obviously not in on and ignored the question.


"Who were you talking to the day of the explosion? Who should you have finished off months ago? What choice are you offering who?" I blabbered out after holding it in for who knew how long I was out this time. I wanted answers. I needed them. No, better yet I demanded them.


He looked at me seriously. "You heard that." It seemed like it should have been a question, but it was a statement. "It's a long story."


"I'm not going anywhere anytime soon." I said my eyebrow raised in suspicion.


He sighed for the first time I'd known him. His calm disappeared for a moment as he looked down at his feet. Then he said, "You weren't supposed to walk away from the first explosion."


I shook me head trying to understand the words coming from his mouth. "W-what do you mean? It was meant for me? The Snoodles explosion?"


He nodded quickly.


"I don't understand." I was confused. Shocked and a million other things that I couldn't explain with words.


"I'm a vampire." He said his eyes gazing into mine carefully. He waited for my response. What was I supposed to say? I wanted to laugh because it sounded absurd.


"W-what does that mean?" A small voice that I barely recognized as my own stammered out.


"We're assassins for Satan. You were on his list. You weren't supposed to live through the first explosion, and Rendaph wasn't planning on you living through the second one either." He stood up and walked up to my bed. I wouldn't have lived through the second explosion had he not pulled me away. I was scared, but I couldn't move.


He put his hand on the nob for the morphine. "You have a choice. Die here, now; or live with me forever." He looked at me, but his eyes were as cold as stone. He was waiting for me to choose. It seemed obvious: live with him forever, but I knew there was a catch. I would have to be a monster like him taking lives working for Satan spending the rest of eternity taking lives for the benefit of the kingdom of destruction and chaos. Could love drive me to that? Would what I have with Aechton be worth the pain I would feel taking lives.


He had already tried to kill me, what changed?


"You know what changed Lia. I was dumb enough to fall for you." He said startling me a bit. Had I said that out loud or was he in my head?


"No, I'm in your head. Now choose, your time is running out."


Either way I had to die he said. Which way should I go? Which direction should I choose? I knew the right way, it was obvious choose death. Live with God for eternity. He would make everything all right.


"Will he?" Aechton bit out his eyes far away and cold as a dark cave.


I stared, eyes wide at Aechton who hovered, waiting to end my life patiently.


Yes! I screamed in my head. Could he read my thoughts this whole time?


"No." He answered calmly. "Just now, when I give you the choice of a life time."


I knew from the moment I saw him at Snoodles and Companions he was destined to kill me. He was exciting! I was thrilled to be around him, but he was dangerous, unpredictable. I didn't know why I was so intrigued by death, by him.


The time ticked by slowly as the options played tennis in my mind. Was I happy with him?


Yes!


Did I love him? Obviously yes.


The next question caught me off guard. The answer was vital. Was he even capable of this question? I looked up at him my eyes worried, prodding, searching his blank expression. I knew he was listening to my thoughts.


Do you love me? I asked in my head. I waited. His eyes stayed in that distant place.


I was about to look away when I saw his eyes return. They looked deep into mine and he tried to hold the wall, but it faltered for a moment. Just long enough for me to make my decision.


I was too intrigued by him to let him go. I had to be with him even if it meant burning in hell for eternity.


He smiled as he heard the decision echo in my head. He leaned down his mouth hovering over my neck and whispered, "You were mine. You've always been. Us, it is inevitable." Then his sharp teeth dug into my flesh and slowly I felt this life fade away until the monotonous beep, beep, beep of my mortality turned into a constant unending beep of eternity.

The End

___*___

by: Trozin

Saturday Shorts: Plan 100

by D.F. Matthews

Plan 100

Picture by: Chelsea Thompson          

They called him mad and they were right to do so.




Dr. Baron von Devillian had a lab at the top of a volcano, which overlooked the town that it overlooked. Mothers everywhere struck fear in the hearts of their children, cautioning that if they looked too long at the doctor’s slanted lab their tiny brains would leak out of their skulls.


From morning to evening and sometimes beyond Dr. Baron von Devillian thought evil thoughts, did evil things, and danced evil dances. All the while flasks of burping goo would bubble, lab animals howled and screamed, and computers ran on dial-up.


Many in town wondered why von Devillian was so evil and bent on taking over the world, but no one ever asked. When you dear reader have the courage to ask an evil scientist who lives in a slanted lab on top of a volcano and has been known chuck used undies at people that dare to get to close how he spends his day I’m sure people will inquire about your services. For now though everyone was happy to leave him be.


Years ago after attempt number sixty-six to take over the world failed when there was a shipping mistake sent him ten thousand lovesick wasps instead of eight hundred mutated canaries Dr. Baron von Devillian began to desire an assistant. Someone to share ideas with, to help him create his evil masterworks, and on the third Sunday of each month have evil tea parties with evil cucumber sandwiches and deliciously horrid cakes.


Word spread around town about the evil doctor’s search for an assistant. Everyone wondered if the doctor would hire someone for the deed or create one. Most people leaned toward a creation since no one in town liked the doctor. Not even his own mother. So they scratched their noggins, rubbed their chins, passed gas discreetly as they thought of what kind of creature the mad doctor would use.


Monkey?


Shark?


Perhaps a bear with webbed paws.


No one was really sure what creature the doctor would choose until that fateful day he came down from his lab to go to the pet shop. It was quiet in the town pet shop as Dr. Baron von DeVillian entered. Maybe the animals were tired or perhaps they could sense all the evil in the man. More likely though they didn’t want to be adopted by a man with wild dirty hair and pus riddled yellow right eye.


He walked past the monkeys without so much as a glance. He did the same to the shark and the web pawed bear. Dr. Baron von DeVillian headed straight for the counter where the very unevil pet shop owner waited. The shopkeeper prepared himself for the worst. Snakes were a fear of his, but he would manage to get them if called upon to.


Von DeVillian said what he wanted and it caught the pet storeowner by surprise. So one more time he asked the evil doctor who lived in the slanted lab on the top of a volcano to repeat himself, and the doctor did so.


“Get me your evilest hamster!” the man shouted as though this were an everyday request. Like there should be an abundance of short-tempered hamsters at the shopkeeper’s disposal.


Now you and I know that when shopping for evil pets hamsters would have to be at the bottom of the list. Nothing at all is evil about a hamster from its unevil paws to its very unevil eyes. But the shopkeeper, never wanting to disappoint a customer, was given a task. So that is what the doctor asked for and that is what he got.


He got a fuzzy hamster, barely two months old, considered the most evil of the litter because it had once pooed in the shop owner’s shoes. With the hamster in one hand and evil joy in his heart Dr. Baron von DeVillian evilly skipped his way home, which was a strange sight when you consider skipping to be the most unevil way to depart a pet store.


For two years the evil doctor turned the hamster evil, more evil than any hamster should be. He fed it rotten milk and four day old bread. He made it watch scary movies, slide shows of inhuman events, and to top it all off soap operas every day! At the same time he gave the hamster complex equations to solve, riddles and tongue twisters. Sometimes he even made the hamster build bookcases with only foreign instructions. All things that would drive any normal person to madness the hamster was subjected to. Day after day the hamster endured trial after trial until finally it was deemed evil enough to be Dr. Baron von DeVillian’s assistant.


And evil the hamster was. It made prank phone calls, sent spam emails about Spam to everyone, and briefly considered a career in tax collection. Mailmen were known to throw mail at the lab for fear of the tiny hamster nibbling at their heels.


Truly the hamster was just as evil as he, so Dr. Baron von DeVillian finally gave the critter a name. Staying true to who he was the doctor gave the hamster the most sinister, evil name he could think of. A name that would strike fear into the hearts of all that heard it as the black hamster with spots was perched on his shoulder. The name was cunningly devious for a male hamster. The name was …MAGGIE!!!


Maggie the evil and not female hamster and Dr. Baron von DeVillian spent their days being evil. They hatched evil plots, schemes and such. And they wound up on the losing end, but they stayed at it. All was well and evil for years until the doctors evil ninety-ninth plan failed to succeed.


Old age, which is even more evil than anyone could imagine, came for the doctor. Peacefully the doctor passed away. If not for the buildup of mail not a soul other than Maggie would have known. No one mourned the poor evil doctor. No evil headstone was made. No evil eulogy was given. The town did what the town thought was best, simply tossing his body into the volcano. Now the town was rid of the one blight it had as far as they were concerned.


But what to do with Maggie?


What was the town to do with a twenty six year old hamster? It would be inhumane to leave the poor hamster, evil though it may be, to die in the slanted lab at the top of the volcano. Tossing Maggie into the volcano with its master was a horrible idea. Surely no one in town, or any town for that matter, wanted a twenty six year old evil hamster that’d aged horribly. Its coat of black fur with white spots was now shaggy and streaked with gray. Big patches of fur were missing all over its body. Over the many years Maggie gained a limp in its right hind paw. And it always stared with its big green blood shot eyes, never blinking, always staring.


The town’s top minds gathered to think of what to do with Maggie. At last Professor Gordon Goody-goody the fourth, the absolute totally completely opposite version of Dr. Baron von DeVillian, came up with an idea.


In his loud, charismatic voice he said, “This poor creature should stay at the pet store from which it came.”


Gasps arose. A lady fainted. Laundry was folded neatly somewhere else.


“Isn’t that thing evil?” “Who will buy that ugly thing?” “Chuck it in the volcano!” “Who wanted mayo on their sandwich?”


“Fret not people,” said Professor Gordon Goody-goody the fourth. “Time has taken its toll on this poor, pathetic, pitiful, sorry, sad, miserable and funky creature. It’s lived the lives of over ten hamsters, so how much evil could it commit? In human years it would be nearly a thousand years old. And have you smelled him?! The thing can’t control its bladder, let alone the world. Sure no one will adopt him, and no one can blame him or her for not doing so. I mean its old, smelly, ratty looking, scary, gimpy, most likely dumb, pees itself, and answers to the not manly name Maggie for heaven’s sake. But at least we’ll know it died with dignity. Why you ask…because WE cared.”


The collection of the town’s brightest and smartest had turned into the town’s mopiest and most dramatic. They cried, sobbed, and boo hooed because the great professor convinced them that they were courageous for looking past Maggie’s defects, even if it was only to make themselves look good. How brave of them they thought. How noble a town are we.


To show that the hamster was harmless Professor Gordon Goody-goody the fourth picked up the frail, old hamster with bladder issues. He brought the creature to his face, not letting it touch him out of fear of catching some strange evil hamster disease. “See my friends, there is nothing to fear.”


“That is what he said and immediately wished that he had not done so. With Maggie that close, the evil hamster bit the good professor’s goody-goody nose. Professor Gordon Goodygood the fourth howled and yowled, running around the room screaming for anyone to help. No one would, fearing they would meet the same fate or worse. This is how Maggie arrived at the pet shop from whence he had come, clinging to the nose of the smartest, most handsome man in town like a ghastly Christmas ornament.


After three hours, two hammers, eight pairs of pliers, and a rolled up sock filled with rolled up socks Maggie finally let go. The professor was left to tend to his wounds while the pet shop owner was left with Maggie. In his new old home Maggie was given a simple cage, a simple water bottle, and a simple dish in which a simple meal of all-purpose, vitamin rich but flavorless brownish-gray pellets was supplied.


Maggie missed all the evil things back at the slanted lab on the top of the volcano. He missed his evil computer, his evil notebooks, and his evil television with no remote (which is unspeakably evil in my opinion). He missed the evil tea parties, and the evil dictionary full of naughty words and other words that cannot be used in Scrabble. But most of all, the evil little hamster missed his evil master Dr. Baron von DeVillian.


Staring at all the normal animals with their unevil faces and tails only drove home the fact that this pet shop was not home, nor would it ever be. And the pet shop owner was not his master.


Days went by with Maggie only observing everything that went on in bland pet shop. He listened to conversations, if a newspaper was dropped by his cage by someone who was frightened by his appearance he read it. All day the animals chatted up a storm. Animals, no matter what the species, can understand each other. To our ears it may just sound like a series of howls, meows, and shrieking grandmothers but to them it was normal everyday conversations.


Still this was all very dull to Maggie who missed running plans, although they never worked. This was all until one fateful day when something sent the rusty gears in the hamster’s twisted mind into motion.


The pet shop owner was talking to a customer who looked rather uninterested in everything. “Oh great happy day! Such wonderful news. Such wonderful happy splendid good news!”


“Yeah? What is it?”


“He’s coming!”


“Who?”


“Him!”


“Who?”


“Only the greatest person this town has ever seen1”


“WHO?!”


“Don’t you know?”


“If I knew I wouldn’t be asking who it is! So who is it?!”


“The president’s coming! He’s coming here to give a speech. A speech about economicglobewarmingtaxcuttereducateliverpeasmayonassie or something or other. Anyway all I know is the president is coming to town!”


“Great. Now can I get that cat food I’ve been waiting for?”


Suddenly Maggie’s evil mind began to churn like the wheels of an old locomotive, slow but gradually picking up speed. His evil black hamster heart beat with excitement. He felt that old evil joy rushing through him as Plan One-Hundred revealed itself to him.


The president was coming to town in three days so there was no time to waste.


That evening when the shop was closed and the shop owner went upstairs to sleep Maggie used an old paper clip to pick the lock on his cage and get out. The easiest part was done, now he needed the other animals on his side. A much harder task then it sounds when you’re an old smelly hamster with a bum leg and a creepy stare bent on world domination.


The animals all over the store were chatting, paying no attention to Maggie. Three dogs were talking about a magical bone that squeaked when you bit it. Eight fat cats were snoring. The two snakes in the store argued over who had the longest tongue. Six monkeys were either discussing how the works of Shakespeare translated to modern society or how delicious lice are, I really cannot remember. Sixteen canaries were making a portrait of the shop owner using no more than newspaper and their own poop. And the web pawed bear did what he did every night, had an imaginary argument with someone and appeared to be losing.


They were a band of misfit creatures. Some were as smart as a wet sack of broken doorknobs but it was all he had to work with.


“Excuse me,” said the hamster as loud as possible. “My fine furry, scaly, feathered, and generally naked friends, can I have your attention?”


He did manage to get their attention, but they had no idea what was going on. A mass of questions arose.


“Who’s talking?” “Where am I?” “Is that smelly sock talking?” “I thought it was a dead bird.” “Dead things don’t move or talk.” “Who said that?” “I LIKE SALMON!!!” “Salmon?” “Who has salmon?” “Blue!”


Maggie shook his head in disappointment but quickly stopped when more of his fur began to fall off. “Please everyone I have important news to share with you.”


“Oh the sock is talking.” “Did you have the veggies for dinner?” “That’s not a sock it’s a dust ball with legs.” Who ate the last seeds? Those were mine?” “I LIKE SALMON!!!”


Maggie’s head hurt listening to all of this. “Look, I only want to help all of you, but you have to do what I say.”


“Do what you say A sock?” “Let the talking hamburger patties speak.” “Has anyone seen the rabbits?” “Well that’s just dumb. No, no, the owner has more of a button nose. Like this.” “SALMON!!!”


“Who here wants to have a home of their own?” Everyone raised their paws, wings or tails. “Now who wants to be taken care of?” Again the response was the same.


“That’s what I promise you if you help me take over the world. You’ll all have homes and people will wait on you at all hours of the day because they’ll have no choice. If I rule the world you can bark all night and run around without leashes. I’ll build hundreds of statues for all you birds to use as a bathroom. Cats…you can do whatever it is you do. I’ll make sure you snakes have a fresh human to eat when you want it. Don’t you get it? Anything you want when I rule the world you can have!”


An excited clamor arose among the animals. No one shouted out any questions. No one disagreed. There was a cry for some salmon from the back, but not nearly as loud as before. The idea of having homes and being pampered was very attractive.


Maggie knew he had them eating out of his paw. They were on his side. “So who’s with me?!”


The dogs howled, cats meowed, snakes hissed, the birds chirped and squawked, the fish did fish things, the hamsters spun their wheels, the monkeys threw poo, in South America a sloth learned to tap dance…but that has nothing to do with this story. Everyone made a noise except for the bear. The bear just shuffled its big webbed paws.


“What’s wrong bear?” asked Maggie. “Without you I can’t rule the world.”


Bear plopped on his big bare bear bottom looking sadder than any bear should. “Me love salmon.”


Laughing probably more evilly than he intended Maggie said, “Then my big burly bear friend salmon you shall have. Salmon for everybody…maybe not the fish but salmon for the rest you!”


The crowd whooped and hollered making a huge ruckus. The pet shop owner came rushing downstairs, but the noise stopped. He eyed them suspiciously before heading back upstairs. Little did he know that the pets he cared for were conspiring against him, and that they wanted salmon.


Before long the day of the president’s arrival was at hand. Still, everything was in place and if followed correctly Plan One-Hundred would work. They would not strike in the day, but rather they would strike at night, just before the president went back home to the White House.


The store was closing; the shop owner was getting ready to lie down for the night. Before he locked the door for the night the canaries started a commotion in their cages. They chirped loudly, flew around manically, and their art work lacked direction. Cursing the day he ever put down his tap shoes to open up a pet shop the pet storeowner hobbled over to the cages. He tried everything he could think of to soothe the birds down. He said calming words, he sang sugary songs, and he even tried break dancing. Nothing worked. The break dancing appeared to the shop owner to make them angrier, but in all honesty they were laughing hysterically. The shop owner huffed in frustration, then got the key to open the cages.


In a flash he was back opening the cages when…boo the birds came charging out of the cages like stampeding buffalo with wings. Hmmm…buffalo wings. Anyway the owner was so shocked he stumbled all the way back into the snake habitat. Quickly one snake used its tail to reach through the gaps in the wire to wrap up the owner’s legs. With his horrible fear of the snakes that he kept the owner screamed like a chorus of little girls pretending to be afraid of snakes, and fainted.


So far so good.


The other snake used its long tail to grab the keys, which had fallen to the floor. When it got the keys it then used it to open up their cage. They slithered around opening all the other cages. Soon Maggie was out and rallying the monkeys to take the keys and open the front door. As they did so the birds brought over a saddle made of junk and refuse left around the store of Maggie to ride the bear. The bear lumbered over to the head hamster. When he reached him the bear leaned down and the birds strapped it to the bear’s head. The monkeys opened the front door, Maggie climbed into the saddle, the shop owner was still on the floor, and the rebellious salmon loving pets were off to take over the world.


The dogs started barking out a message to the dogs of the President who always traveled with the President in the lap of luxury. (Much better than certain writers who tell tales of evil hamsters and are fond of the word evil. Evil.) The dogs relayed how they were going to take over the world and made promises of unlimited scraps from the table and never having to take a bath again. A reply came back quickly saying that they would be honored to oblige.


Another milestone accomplished.


Now the pet store animals had to make it to the hotel where the President was staying. So parading down the street like a pitiful circus were two snakes a slithering, sixteen canaries a singing, nine rats a scurrying, six monkeys a dancing, seven cats a purring, ten unevil hamsters a struggling to keep up-ing, and a web pawed bear with an evil hamster a laughing. This was a strange sight indeed in the middle of the night. Anytime this would be a strange sight. The people who saw it didn’t know what to do. Should they call the police? Well some folk did and were told that the police were having trouble with their own dogs keeping them hostage at the time. So the odd parade continued on its evil merry way.


Things were going great.


They reached the hotel, and then the rats went into action. They swarmed down into the sewers and started gnawing through the electrical and phone lines until neither worked. With the power out the presidential security team began to panic, running around to see what was wrong. The cats stormed into the hotel using their great eyesight in the dark to cause more commotion. Before long every guard was off in a different direction thinking they were on the trail of the person responsible.


Still doing okay.


The bear and the hamsters went through the front door. Anyone who was still in the lobby ran out screaming. The hamsters found a hole in the wall left by some mice of previous years that were unsatisfied with the quality of cheese thrown away by the hotel. They used the hole to climb up to the top floor where the President was staying. While they did this the bear went to the elevator, which was running on emergency power from a generator. It had just walked for a while and was in no mood to take the stairs. The hamsters made it upstairs and squeezed themselves under the small crack under the door. Inside the President’s dogs, a fearsome pack of poodles, had already done their job and startled the President out of bed. Their high-pitched yelping making him fear for his life.


Now the President, in his flower covered footie pajamas, was more confused as the hamsters approached. He noticed that one of them had a piece of paper neatly tucked in its mouth. The President took the paper and read what was written. It said:


I, President of the United States, hand overall my power to Dr. Baron von DeVillian and Maggie von DeVillian.


At the very bottom of the letter there was a signature that read Maggie von DeVillian and there was a blank spot for the President to sign his name.


Suddenly the President went from confused and fearful to flat out outrage. How dare these animals try to take the presidency away from him! If he had his boots on he would have made sure every hamster in the room met the bottom of them. As it was if he did it now he’d ruin his favorite pair of pajamas. But before he could rise up and toss the intruding animals out a bear came crashing through the door. It snarled and gnashed its teeth, but all it was shouting was “SALMON!!!”


Once again the President had a change of heart. Quickly he found a pen and signed the paper. What else should he have done? What would you do if a salmon loving bear came crashing through your door in the middle of the night?


They had done it! Plan One-Hundred actually worked. It was official that Maggie and her dead master were the presidents of the United States. The hamsters squeaked, the dogs howled, the cats yowled, the rats chattered, the snakes hissed, the monkeys went looking for bananas, the bear roared, and in New York a fish burped the alphabet, but that’s a story that should never be told.


Why wasn’t Maggie celebrating?


The web pawed bear helped Maggie from his saddle, placing him on a table. Joy was soon replaced with sadness as time and death had finally caught up with the hamster. The evil hamster died in the elevator. He never got to see his plan work but it did.


News cameras were on the scene reporting the strange incidents of the night. The animals went back to the pet shop; however their stay was not long. All the news coverage on the animals forced people into action and start adopting pets. All of them went to good loving homes. Each went to a great family, even the bear who went to a circus where he was fed a salmon whenever he liked. With all the animals gone the pet shop owner retired, choosing to spend the rest of his days far, far away from animals…the North Pole.


The former President ran for President again but he was beaten out by the good and righteous Professor Gordon Goody-goody the fourth. And what of Maggie? Well he was official the President; so the little hamster got a big presidential funeral complete with a tombstone bearing the name of himself and his master. The evil hamster met up with his evil master again in evil Heaven: the place all villains with a heart go. Because it wasn’t evil that made Maggie miss his master or want to rule the world in his master’s name. It was the most unevil thing of all that did those things: love. Which since it is so unevil to someone evil it may be the most evil…if that makes sense. So for a brief time a hamster ruled the world. And now that evil hamster was in evil Heaven with other evil good-hearted villains, although the numbers were rather on the small side. There he stayed with them as they all perfected their evil laugh.


Mwaaauuuuhahahahaha!!!!!!


And that my friends, is why we celebrate Columbus Day. If you doubt me well then, um…yeah.


The End

by D.F. Matthews